How To Get Laid On The First Date: A Step By Step Guide From Meeting To Closing

As you’re releasing the hug, gently usher her into her seat. I’ll usually put my hand on her elbow or lower back and say: “have a seat,” not in a commanding way but in a friendly, polite way. Sometimes I’ll pull out her chair if I can reach. This is how you lead with polite dominance.

Remember, you’re a sexual salesman so treat her as if she was your client in business. That means you’re on your good behavior. Forget this “being an asshole” routine that many pickup artists follow, it will work against you. What you’re selling is polite confidence, sex appeal and that you’re a winner. Everyone wants to do business with a winner.

Conversation Ratio

At the start you’ll usually need to do most of the talking, or at least most of the leading of the conversation. It will probably be about 80/20 your way, but you should be able to get it down to 50/50 within a few minutes. The easiest way to make a girl feel  comfortable is to get her engaged and talking about herself. You do that by asking her questions.

Question/Vibe Loop

To get a woman feeling comfortable, I start asking her questions. I use a ton of questions, there is no topic girls like more than talking about themselves. I try to do as little talking as possible. Talking about herself and having you respond positively with insightful questions makes her feel that she’s really connecting with you.

Some example questions I’ll ask are: “Where did you go to school?”, “What do you do for work?”, “Whereabouts do you live?”, “Did you grow up in the city?” No segues are needed for these questions. When you watch a lot of the best comedians they don’t use segues either because they just become engaged with whatever topic is at hand

Rapport

When you’re talking to a woman you always want to be in rapport with her. Your goal should be to never break rapport or outright contradict what she says. Even light teasing is still part of rapport. A tease is not a “neg,”a tease should be done playfully and in the spirit of fun.

Sex is the ultimate rapport, so you should start building up to that from the second you meet her. You almost always want to be in agreement with what she’s saying. If she says: “I can’t believe the streetcar was so crowded on the way over here, it’s so annoying,” you should answer with something like, “Ya I bet, that sounds really annoying.”

If she says she just finished her degree and is so excited about her new job you want to say something like: “That’s awesome, that sounds like a really exciting field.” You want to empathize and filter back whatever emotion she’s projecting to you.

Being in rapport doesn’t mean you should be passive, though. You should always be leading the action and if a girl starts on a negative topic you need to steer her back to positive things. Let’s say a girl is getting angry because she had to wait 30 minutes for the bus I’ll say: “That sucks you had to wait so long. Hey, I forgot to ask, how was that art exhibit you went to this weekend?”

Once the topic has been covered or you’re stalling out, just ask her another question. Let’s say you’ve been talking about what she’s taking in school for 10 minutes and you’re stalling out. You can ask her what she likes to do for fun or what kind of music she listens to.

Just repeat the question and vibe loop until she asks about you. When (or if) she asks about you, you should have a couple of cool, normal hobbies you do. I use the gym and hot yoga. Make sure your hobbies are relatable to her. If she’s intelligent I’ll talk about the books I read, if she’s dumb I’ll talk about partying.

You can talk about yourself for a bit but you always want to flip it back to her. People feel most comfortable when they have an attentive audience. I learned this in my sales training. Clients don’t want to hear about you, they want to talk about themselves and for you to actively listen.

I usually don’t bother with sex talk, if I’ve met the girl online, sex is already assumed from my hardcore screening so my goal is just to make her feel comfortable fucking me. If it’s a girl who hasn’t been screened, talking about sex can make her uncomfortable.

If you want to put sex on the table verbally you can bring it up casually, if she’s cool with it you can continue but if she gets uncomfortable – change topics. Also, don’t think just because she’s uncomfortable with sex talk doesn’t mean she won’t fuck, a lot of girls are just shy. At the end of the day it’s a judgement call on your part but not necessary at all.

Asking Her To Leave

This is where the rubber meets the road. There is no perfect time to ask her home with you, your best bet is to ask her to leave when you think she feels comfortable. It’s also a good idea to wait until she’s finished her drink. This can be anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour depending on how relaxed she is.

Remember the point of the date is to prove you’re a cool, sexy normal guy that she can feel safe going home with. The money line is: “you wanna get outta here?”, although this is technically a question, you should deliver it as a statement.

That means you deliver it with a neutral, casual tone as opposed to an upwards inflection like you normally would with a question. When you say it like this you’re implying that it’s already been decided that she’s coming over and asking her is just a formality, this means she’ll have to break rapport with you to say no.

This is a very important distinction, if you ask her if she wants to come over it makes it much easier for her to say no because your question gives her permission to say no. Also it’s very important to hold eye contact the entire time, if she sees you look down or away it shows weakness and will make it easier for her to say no or question her decision.

Many times she’ll hesitate for a few seconds and you’ll literally be able to see the wheels turning in her head, those seconds will feel like hours but stay strong. Keep eye contact and hold the line like Braveheart, remember you’re a closer, this is what separates the men from the boys.

If she says yes, you’re good to go, don’t even bother telling her where you’re going and just lead her back to your place. A lot of times she’ll ask you: “where are we are we going?”, the correct answer is: “my place” delivered in the same neutral, casual tone. When you deliver this statement hold the line and don’t flinch just like you did when you asked her home. Remember, you’re a closer.

As you’re leading her home, it’s really important to keep her comfortable on the way home. I’ve seen girls have complete state changes as their logical brain kicks in, where they start thinking: “I can’t believe I’m going back to this guy’s place” or “I hope he’s not a psycho.”

Keeping the conversation going strong is a good way to put her at ease. As we covered before, this is especially important for the elevator ride in your building and walking down the hallway to your door, as these are the two biggest moments where girls go through state changes.

If she says no,  the correct answer is: “no problem” delivered in the exact same tone as above because you’re a cool, cold-blooded player who is outcome independent. Even if you’re upset or angry inside those emotions should never register on your face.

If she sees you upset the chances of you getting her to come over in the future are 0%, also and more importantly is to not show weakness. You’re a man with lots of options, a man who doesn’t get upset over something so small as a girl saying no to you. At this point you can walk to her to her car or the subway, wish her well and tell her you’ll text her, this just further shows that you’re completely unaffected

Closing

Now that you’ve got her back to your place, the first thing you should do is take her coat if she has one and hang it up. I always keep an extra hanger next to my jackets for this exact reason. It’s a gentleman’s gesture and is good for retentions.

Remember she feels like she is giving something to you so the more respectful you are towards her the less buyer’s remorse she’s going to have. And, the better she feels about the experience, the more repeat business you’ll have. You should also take off your shoes and get her to take hers off as well. Now you have one less piece of clothing to take off.

In some cases, especially if she’s been pre-screened for being DTF and the vibe is already sexual, she’s going to be ready to go once she gets back to your place. In fact, you’ll see in the lay reports section of my book that I was fingerbanging one girl before we made it to the elevator.

You can tell if she’s ready to go by how relaxed she is. If she looks relaxed and turned on then you can get started right away by pushing her up against the wall and kissing her, grinding, rubbing her pussy, all that fun stuff. In situations like this you can lead her back to the bedroom or just fuck her up against the wall.

In other cases, if she’s been more reserved or she seems a bit nervous you’re going to have to take your time. Usually it should take at most an hour for her to get comfortable enough to fuck.

If you’ve got a bachelor pad I suggest not having anywhere to sit except for the bed. If you have a one bedroom or a house, just lead her straight into the bedroom. If she’s nervous she might ask you something like: “where are we going?” Just answer nonchalantly: “the bedroom.”

You don’t want to fuck her on the couch. Couch sex can be fun, but in my opinion you can’t put on a peak performance on a couch, you need the space and comfort of a bed. Since it’s your first time you want to maximize all the probabilities of putting on a good performance because beating up that pussy is the best thing you can do for client satisfaction and retention.

Once you’ve got her on the bed, try to sit close to her while resting up against the headboard. If she sits close to you she’s probably ready to go. If she sits far away, she’s going to need a bit more time. Just go back into the question and vibe loop again until she starts to open up. When she gets comfortable enough just tell her to come sit next to you.

Kiss her for a few minutes to get her comfortable before you let your hands roam. If she stops you or moves your hand at any point, just give it about five minutes and try again. Chances are though, that she’ll be ready to go at this point.

At another five minutes in you can take her shirt off and yours at the same time. If you’re inexperienced just leave the bra on or tell her to take it off so you’re not fucking around back there. Kiss her and give her close body contact for another five minutes, not only is she going to get wetter but it will also get her to release the bonding hormone oxytocin which will relax her. Even girls that are into hardcore rough sex still appreciate this kind of foreplay.

Rub her clit outside of her pants before you reach your hand inside, she should be dripping wet at this point. Rub her clit for awhile under her pants before you take them off, let her build up the desire to fuck you. The cleanest way to take a girls’ pants off is to undo any buttons or zippers then at the same time pull her pants and panties down to her mid thighs as you move away from her.

While still holding her pants and underwear, move back off the bed so you’re standing up and pull her pants away from her. Most girls will help you by wriggling a bit. As you’re sliding her pants and panties past her ankles, take her socks off too.

Once her pants are clean off, take yours off while you’re still standing up then get back into bed. If you’ve lost your hardon don’t worry about it, just go back to making out with her. Give it a few more minutes of rubbing your cock against her pussy while you make out. Then reach down next to your bed, grab the condom, slide inside and enjoy. For first time sex I almost always use missionary as my first position; it’s the best position for controlling your orgasm.